princessofburundi: (Default)
[personal profile] princessofburundi
I had no idea how much I would love having an online journal again. It feels so good to be here at Dreamwidth. I am making new friends, have a place to share my life, and have the great privilege of being able to share the lives of others. For a woman who is decidedly lonely, this place is a godsend.

It's gotten hot all of a sudden - it's 23 here at the moment (that's 76) and rather humid so that it feels hotter. I mowed the lawn for the first time all on my own. The result reminds me very much of the time my elder daughter, age approx. three, took her safety scissors to the curls at the front of her hair, kind of jagged and sloppy and frayed. (And it was heartbreaking to see her lovely curls on the floor.) I console myself with the fact that my neighbours have obviously been mowing for years and know how, whereas I simply don't have a clue....yet. Someday I will be a jedi master at lawns.

Saw my caseworker at Canadian Mental Health today....such a nice woman. I am so fortunate to have really excellent community help for my poor addled brain. Psychiatrist, therapist, case worker, doctor: I am so lucky to live in Canada and in this city.

The thing I'm working on now is learning to be gentler with myself. I need to get rid of the self talk that says "you're stupid" or "you're a failure" and replace it with "you're learning" and "look at all of the things you've accomplished today". I need to learn to look in the mirror and instead of seeing ugly and fat, and old, see a woman who has survived a lot of grief and turmoil and has the battle scars to prove it. Maybe, if I'm really lucky, some day I will see beauty.

Date: 2017-04-27 08:53 pm (UTC)
miss_s_b: (Default)
From: [personal profile] miss_s_b
It's genuinely lovely seeing the place all active :)

If you find a way of doing the last paragraph that works well, do share

Date: 2017-04-27 08:54 pm (UTC)
malgrin: (Default)
From: [personal profile] malgrin
I don't really know you yet (but I'm glad for the chance) and I'm happy to say ... you're learning!! (We ALL are!) Look at all of the things you've accomplished today!!

I hope one day you see beauty as well.

Date: 2017-04-27 08:59 pm (UTC)
kristy: Wonder Woman (Wonder Woman)
From: [personal profile] kristy
I hope you'll see the beauty you have inside & out. I'm still working on that myself, but am greatly improving. :)

*hugs*

Date: 2017-04-30 02:05 am (UTC)
kristy: Blonde Keyboard (Blonde Pink Keyboard)
From: [personal profile] kristy
You're welcome. :)

I have been using my mirrors to help me. I tell myself positive things about me. It helps. :)

Date: 2017-04-27 09:10 pm (UTC)
seraphina_snape: Parker from the TV show Leverage (Default)
From: [personal profile] seraphina_snape
So your first stab at lawn mowing went about as well as mine a few weeks ago did. *g* Let's hope we'll both improve.

Date: 2017-04-30 04:54 am (UTC)
seraphina_snape: Parker from the TV show Leverage (Default)
From: [personal profile] seraphina_snape
People keep telling me that you don't mow damp or wet grass. I don't know the science behind it, but maybe because wet grass is heavier and prone to lying flat? So you get an uneven chop and whatever you cut off is heavy and clumps together. But what I do when my lawnmower keeps stalling on the same patch of grass is to set the blades a notch higher. If there's a really dense patch of grass, it could just be that the lawnmower can't cope with all of it at once, so you start with the blade on high to take the tops off and then do another run over that patch with the blades lowered to get the rest.

That's Parker from Leverage. It's a great show - I can only recommend it. It's about a group of thieves being hired to recover stolen airplane plans, only to discover after the fact (and after narrowly escaping a bomb explosion) that the man who hired them just wanted someone to steal those plans. They decide to get revenge and go after the man, conning him out of his company and his fortune (and his freedom, since he ends up in jail). They give the plans back to the rightful owner and then intend to split up. But they worked really well together, so the idea of going their own ways lasts all of two minutes. Because their leader Nate is an honest man, he stipulates that any jobs they take have to be jobs that help people against the rich and powerful who can more of less do as they please and pay off anyone who says anything. So, modern day Robin Hood meets The Sting and Ocean's Eleven. (But this show has something for everyone.)

Date: 2017-04-28 03:02 am (UTC)
nonniemous: (Hermit Crab)
From: [personal profile] nonniemous
Changing the self-talk is hard work, but so worth it. It's helped me immensely over the years to ask myself, "What would you think if this was being said to someone else you respect? Then why is it okay to say it to yourself?" Or, to just say, 'No, so-and-so says this about me," when I can't believe in myself. Right now I have posters on my bedroom wall that say "Arise," "Create," "Try," and "Protect."

Date: 2017-04-28 02:46 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] atomicnectarine
Some of my favorite people in the world I've met and gotten to know through journaling. It's been my outlet for 13 years now.

Date: 2017-04-28 04:51 pm (UTC)
norfolkian: BB-8 and Rey walking through the desert (bb8 Rey)
From: [personal profile] norfolkian
I'm really enjoying journalling again too, and really enjoying connecting with new internet friends too. :)

Date: 2017-04-30 06:35 am (UTC)
norfolkian: Holtzmann from Ghostbusters licking a gun (Default)
From: [personal profile] norfolkian
I know what you mean about sorting out your new friends. Sometimes I have to check people's profiles to remind me!

Date: 2017-04-29 12:34 pm (UTC)
coeur_de_noir: (Default)
From: [personal profile] coeur_de_noir
This, exactly! Glad to have met you.

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