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It's nearly 4 a.m. and I'm still wide awake. This undoubtedly is because I slept for a full twelve hours last night, and didn't wake up until nearly 1 p.m. I'm reading in bed, The Great Zoo of China, which is a repeat of Jurassic Park, only set in China, and with dragons instead of dinosaurs. The writing isn't great, dialogue rather stilted, but it's not a long book, so I'll finish it.

I've been watching "Big Love" on CraveTV - a TV show about a polygamist family in Utah - and there was a scene where women were lamenting being evicted from their homes on the FLDS compound with only five minutes to collect their things. I was astounded at how hard this hit me. I am not going into detail, but last October I was illegally evicted from where I was living in the Canadian Arctic with two hours to get out. This happened in the peak of polar bear season, which means peak tourist season; there were no hotel rooms and it was a really and truly horrible and dangerous situation which has left me traumatized and scared of my own shadow. I had no idea that the mere mention of eviction on a TV show would affect me as sharply as it did. Thank goodness I have a therapist.

I'm still thinking about the teaching ESL thing. I haven't made up my mind. It seems like a good idea. I can get certified online, and I can probably get financial aid for the cost of the course. But before I make any decision, I'll need to investigate the job market to see whether or not I'd be likely to get a job teaching English as a Second Language either locally or overseas. I'm 53, and many of the overseas options close at age 50, I am given to understand. I also don't live in a big city centre that attracts a lot of immigrants, and I'd be reluctant to move to another city, partially because I don't have the money to relocate. So I will have to research job opportunites and then make a decision. Also, it is a bit daunting, at my age, to be starting an entirely new venture. This is the part of my life where I always thought I'd be gliding towards retirement - my dad retired at 55, and my mum a couple of years after that - not starting anew. I am feeling timid, and will need to gather some courage to make a new life for myself.

Sleepy

Apr. 21st, 2017 06:09 pm
princessofburundi: (Default)
It's only 6 p.m. but I'm just about ready for sleep. If I nap now there will be no sleep tonight, so I'm working hard on staying awake.

Yesterday I went over to a young friend's place. She has a 10-week old baby boy to whom I am an unofficial auntie, and I love that little boy so much. He is so cute and warm and sweet. M. started inviting me over when her little one was three days old; I was really struggling with depression around the time he was born and she thought snuggling her little baby might help me feel better. It did. I go over every week, and I enjoy both her company and cuddling Mr. Adorable. I think the thing that helps me most about it is that M. often goes out while I'm there to have a bit of a break from the baby, and I realize how much she must trust me to leave me with both her young boy and her apartment. That trust gives me a real boost of self-esteem.

Most Fridays I meet my mum for coffee at the local shopping mall; I did so today. I don't go over to her place much as my dad has become such difficult company and it's impossible to have a conversation with my mum when he's around. My dad's an amputee, and although he can do a fair bit for himself he much prefers being waited on, and he's utterly rude to those people who are helping him. Never a word of thanks. My mum likes the opportunity to get away from him, and I get that. It's always nice to meet up with her; I look forward to it.

I think I'm going to try to qualify to teach English as a Second Language. I'm not sure yet, but it does seem like a good idea. I think I am probably too old to teach overseas, but I could teach it locally to immigrants, or I could teach it online; I've noticed a lot of postings for online ESL teaching. It would allow me to support myself, and to feel more independent, plus I think I'd really like the work. I have a BA and an MA in English, so I have a good background for the job. At the same time I think I will brush up on my Spanish speaking - most of it has disappeared - and see if that helps me work with immigrants from Spanish-speaking countries. There are a lot of immigrants in Canada from Central and South America. Anyway, this is just something I'm thinking about, but the more I think about it the more I like the idea.

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