princessofburundi: (Default)
I have had such a good day. Yes, I woke up with the panic attack from hell and had to pop an Ativan just to get me moving, and I was so afraid to go out of the house that I nearly cancelled coffee with my mother. But I didn't....I went and had a pleasant time seeing her.

Throwing myself back into things that I like has helped so much. It took so much energy to take that first step into old pleasures, but it was worth that fearful first step. I've had a nice long phone conversation with my daughter, the 18 year old. I've spent hours studying Spanish, and it's been a lot of fun. I'd forgotten how much I love language study. I've been reading.....I have three books on the go right now. Using my brain and learning new things really get my mind off my problems. Also, I've eaten healthy foods, which I'm sure is part of the temporary lull in the depression.

It's so nice not to feel terrified of my own shadow.

Easter

Apr. 16th, 2017 10:00 am
princessofburundi: (Default)
Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!

I have woken up with a mighty case of acid reflux, so BLEAH to that, and I was woken far earlier than I would have liked due to my younger cat deciding that first thing in the morning was a good time for head scratches and for walking up and down my back. I told her to go away and let me sleep, and she pointed out that she doesn't speak English, so she won. She always does. She's so adorable and fluffy that I indulge her every whim.

I'm morose this morning. For me, holidays are a reminder that I'm alone in the world. My parents and brother's family, who share a large home in the country, have not invited me to Easter or Thanksgiving for several years now. My elder daughter hasn't spoken to me in seven or eight years, my son lives far away in Vancouver, and my younger daughter is in the middle of exams and doesn't celebrate anyway, being an atheist. I don't have much in the way of real-life friends, certainly not the sort to open their homes to me on holidays. I look back and wonder how I ever thought that family celebrations were annoying or too much work, you don't realize how precious they are until they're gone. I remember delighted children hunting for Easter eggs, and my mum's lovely ham roasts, and a church family where I worshipped regularly, and I don't know where the years have gone.

Anyway, enough of being depressed. It's a holiday, so I'm going to ignore housework except for dishes, and spend the day reading or watching TV. It's nice and warm today with a delicious breeze, but it's raining on and off, and isn't really the weather for venturing outdoors much, so I shall stay home and enjoy the company of books.

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princessofburundi

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