Sleepy

[princessofburundi]

It's only 6 p.m. but I'm just about ready for sleep. If I nap now there will be no sleep tonight, so I'm working hard on staying awake.

Yesterday I went over to a young friend's place. She has a 10-week old baby boy to whom I am an unofficial auntie, and I love that little boy so much. He is so cute and warm and sweet. M. started inviting me over when her little one was three days old; I was really struggling with depression around the time he was born and she thought snuggling her little baby might help me feel better. It did. I go over every week, and I enjoy both her company and cuddling Mr. Adorable. I think the thing that helps me most about it is that M. often goes out while I'm there to have a bit of a break from the baby, and I realize how much she must trust me to leave me with both her young boy and her apartment. That trust gives me a real boost of self-esteem.

Most Fridays I meet my mum for coffee at the local shopping mall; I did so today. I don't go over to her place much as my dad has become such difficult company and it's impossible to have a conversation with my mum when he's around. My dad's an amputee, and although he can do a fair bit for himself he much prefers being waited on, and he's utterly rude to those people who are helping him. Never a word of thanks. My mum likes the opportunity to get away from him, and I get that. It's always nice to meet up with her; I look forward to it.

I think I'm going to try to qualify to teach English as a Second Language. I'm not sure yet, but it does seem like a good idea. I think I am probably too old to teach overseas, but I could teach it locally to immigrants, or I could teach it online; I've noticed a lot of postings for online ESL teaching. It would allow me to support myself, and to feel more independent, plus I think I'd really like the work. I have a BA and an MA in English, so I have a good background for the job. At the same time I think I will brush up on my Spanish speaking - most of it has disappeared - and see if that helps me work with immigrants from Spanish-speaking countries. There are a lot of immigrants in Canada from Central and South America. Anyway, this is just something I'm thinking about, but the more I think about it the more I like the idea.

Comments

[princessofburundi]

You're probably right about not being too old to try something new. I think the problem is that most of my energy is used by dealing with depression, and I simply feel old and tired.

[wolfpack82]

Oh, I know the feeling all too well. I hate how sometimes it's just so easy with others, and then for the rest of us it's twice as hard.

[princessofburundi]

I know. Even phone calls tire me, and I dread making them. I'm living in hope that the depression starts to lift really soon! Sorry that you're in the same boat.

[wolfpack82]

Oh, yeah. I feel too cruddy to even work on my hobby & that it out of pure enjoyment. :(

[princessofburundi]

What is your hobby?

I'm a big reader and depression kills my concentration so that I can't read. I haven't picked up a knitting needle or a pencil crayon or anything like that in months, nor have I been to the gym, not since January. And people tell me, "do x and y" and you'll feel better, and they don't seem to understand that it takes more energy than I have to do those things. I'm glad that you understand. It makes me feel less like a failure, and boy, do I feel like a failure most days.

[wolfpack82]

I'm a bookwhore as well, though I do read. I'm really into "snail mail". I love writing letters and responding to people through paper letters instead of e-mail. I also like to make stationary and do other related crafts. I can read, watch netflix right now, but just feel so bleh in general.

We're just going through a "rut" that's all. Hopefully, we'll get out of it soon.

[princessofburundi]

I hope we both get out of this rut soon. It's not fun, but let me tell you, I'm so glad that I've found someone who understands what I'm going through.

How do you make stationery? I'd like to learn to do that!

Hugs coming your way.

[wolfpack82]

Hubby is a geek and he showed me how to make stationary on the computer along with a matching rnvelope. When I feel like making some, I'll share photos. You can also search for "free printable stationary" on google, too. I also have tons of washi tape and stickers if I want to write on just notebook paper.

He says the same thing too, when I get in these moods.