Urgle

[princessofburundi]

I've been thinking all afternoon and all evening about my health. I've had Netflix on and have been paying half-assed attention to it while worrying. I've thought and I've thought and I've thought some more and have been trying to figure out who, if anyone, I should tell about it. I've decided to tell my parents and brother. They often ask for help with stuff that I cannot help with in this condition. I can't make up my mind whether or not to tell my younger daughter. She'll be 19 next month. Is that too young to be burdened by parental health worries? I don't know the answer to that. Then there's my son in Vancouver. He's 25 and when I think of kinfolk, he's the first person who pops into my mind.

He's why this entry is entitled "Urgle". That's my irritated and annoyed word. He was supposed to call me yesterday but didn't. He didn't even respond to the text I sent him Saturday. Since I went to the doctor I've called him twice and texted him three times. He has not responded. I am incredibly frustrated. I know he's busy. He's actually having day surgery done on his knee tomorrow. But if your mum keeps calling and texts saying "very important" three times, you'd think he'd want to know what's going on??????

I'm incredibly frustrated with him right now. Grrrr. He is always dropping out of touch and I am of the opinion that I'm no longer very important to him. Seriously, kid, you should not make your mother feel unimportant and unwanted, but you do, kiddo.

Comments

[iddewes]

I hope you will be ok and I'm sorry to hear your son isn't replying to you. :(

[princessofburundi]

Thank you and thank you. He is a very frustrating young man, but I love him to the ends of the earth.

[miss_s_b]

I hope he's OK and just being sonnish

[princessofburundi]

Thank you. Sons are annoying. So are daughters. I love them, but grrrr, sometimes!

[miss_s_b]

I hear ya

[princessofburundi]

You sound like someone who has children!

I have three - a daughter who is 27 who hasn't spoken to me in six years, the 25 year old son, and an 18, nearly 19 year old daughter. In my next life I don't think I'm going to have kids, just puppies.

[miss_s_b]

I have a daughter, who is 13 going on 47

[princessofburundi]

Thirteen is a difficult age. But I can say that they grow out of it. My younger daughter in particular is an articulate, intelligent, kind, loving, and loyal almost-19 year old, and my memories of her difficult teen years are fading rapidly.

[cosmolinguist]

I know when I was 19 I'd have wanted to know about my mom's health. (Some I'd unavoidably known about before that because she'd had operations and stuff, but a lot I didn't really understand until I was a teenager.) I think it kind of depends on the kid, but I don't think it's too young to be "burdened with" things like that.

I'm sorry about your son. I know when I was in my 20s, which is when I moved to the UK, I was pretty horrible about calling my parents too (though I don't think they made it easy, calling at one specific time every week no matter what, and almost never at other times, but I was still terrible). It didn't mean they weren't important to me, I was just no good at organizing my life at that point. I hope he does still think you're important, but it's understandable that you'd feel hurt, especially when you've got stress and worry about your health on top of that.

[princessofburundi]

Thank you for your very kind response. You sound like such a nice person.

My daughter hasn't lived with me since she was 13, so I have been able to keep a lot of my health concerns from her. I will say that when she found out how very bad my mental health was this winter (four hospitalizations), she was nothing but supportive and kind. She's at a great place in her life. She's just finished her first year of university, she has a job for the summer that she really likes, she has friends whom she loves, and I guess I don't want to be a downer. But I think you're right. She'd probably want to know. So I will find a time and tell her. Thank you for helping me sort that out.

I think my son does still value me, but sometimes it's hard to see that because he has changed so much this past year. He's gone from being my son, living at home and being his everyday loveable self, to a man living a couple of thousands of miles away, with a fiancee, and with far less patience with me than I'm used to. It's understandable that things can't be the same, but I miss the closeness we once had. I'm glad to hear that he's not the only kid who doesn't keep in touch. Thanks again.

[cosmolinguist]

Yep, your son sounds like he's in a position so similar to me. It took me a couple years but now I talk to my parents every week and we email in between if we have stuff that won't wait until the next planned phone call/Skype. I've gotten better at talking to them and honestly they've gotten better at being flexible about how and when we talk.

Things are a lot better. I hope they will be soon for you and your son too.

[malgrin]

Ah, children. In my own world, I'd probably tell both of my children - and probably my three step children besides. We've had a lot of trauma and loss in our family and so what we try to avoid whenever possible are "emergencies." I wouldn't want any of them to find out due to an emergency situation (just because of the shock).

However, I understand your conundrum. And I'm also sorry about your son. As a mother of adult children, I now realize that I was a terrible adult child myself. I didn't call my mother as often as I ought to have. We never had a very close relationship growing up and I've definitely fostered something different with my own children. But, all the same, I often feel that I'd like to be more connected to my son. I think that it is just hard for me to realize that this human being that I carried within my own body has grown up and is now so separate. And yet - in many ways - that is exactly as it should be, I suppose.

At any rate, I hope your son calls you!

[this_ascension]

I too hope you will be ok, and I hope your son gets in touch with you soon. *hug*

[coeur_de_noir]

How stressful - sorry you are having to deal with that! I hope he pulls his head out and gets in touch soon x