Tired

[princessofburundi]

It's 3:00 pm and I'm beat. I have so much to do around the house but it's going to have to wait for an hour or two.

This morning I had to fend off another powerful panic attack - brain, this can stop anytime you like, preferably NOW - and then shower and dress and put makeup on to have lunch with my mum. Picked up cat supplies en route to lunch; spent lunch hour hearing about how I have no backbone and am too dependent upon people. Heard the story of my suffragette grandmother who emigrated to Canada, arriving in Toronto with 29 cents in her poocket, and how she didn't let that get her down. Apparently, getting help from social workers and the hospital is another form of weakness; I should be taking care of my mental health without "leeching" (I'm quoting) off community services. My mum is so good to me except when she isn't, and today she really, really wasn't, but at least she paid for lunch.

Picked up prescriptions, did a healthy shop - no junk except for pretzels, which are lower calorie and salt than potato chips - as my blood sugar is quite high - last night it was 15.2 which is way over the top. I wonder if high blood sugar and panic attacks are related?

Now I'm just going to sit here for a bit and release the tension and the tiredness. Then I must do chores, bleah.

Comments

[norfolkian]

Sorry to hear you are having panic attacks and your mum wasn't much help today. :(

[princessofburundi]

Thanks. My mum has been my rock through the past six months of poor mental health, but occasionally she takes it upon herself to deliver lectures. Drives me mad, but then I remember how kind she usually is. Thanks for the sympathy.

[chasing_silver]

Actually, stress and high blood glucose ARE related! http://www.webmd.com/diabetes/features/diabetes-stress

<3 Sorry you had a rough time with your mom today - hope it gets better.

[nonniemous]

As someone who meanders between diabetic and prediabetic and who has struggled with mood disorders for most of her life, absolutely! Blood sugar and brain chemistry issues are intimately related. Keep tuna or peanut butter or cheese or some kind of easy protein on hand, and try to reduce your carb intake to 180 grams a day. Eat fresh veggies where you can; I eat a lot of salads and celery. Also, if you can, get some vitamin D3, about 2000 mg/day is what my doctor prescribed. (I'm tall and sturdy.) I take an anti-depressant regularly, but the dietary changes and controlling my blood sugar have made almost as much if not more difference to my mental stability.

Your mother...gah. She sounds like mine. They're so psychically destructive, and then they wonder why we are, well, destroyed. Go figure!

[this_ascension]

Sorry to hear about your panic attack, hon. I do hope things get better.

[tielan]

I am always a little curious about who, exactly, would not be "leeching" off community services. Like, where is the line drawn between 'deserving' and 'undeserving'? If you're paying tax, you have a right to use those services, surely? Forgive me if this works a little differently where you are.

And I bet your grandmother would have used community services in a heartbeat if they'd existed and been available for her. Half the time the "things our antecedents did without and made good on" were because they didn't have those options and their society didn't give them any leeway. Making a grand and glorious struggle out of it is, frankly, bullshit.

[princessofburundi]

I was brought up in a household where we were told that we had to be "brave soldiers" about everything. Sick with a fever? Be a brave soldier and go to school. Just had your wisdom teeth out? Be a brave soldier and go to school. Struggle and the Protestant work ethic were the hallmarks of my upbringing. It sucked.

The same people who tell me I'm leeching off the system are the people who get community nurses in twice daily to help them. It is hypocrisy at a high level.