The Wee Hours

[princessofburundi]

It's nearly 4 a.m. and I'm still wide awake. This undoubtedly is because I slept for a full twelve hours last night, and didn't wake up until nearly 1 p.m. I'm reading in bed, The Great Zoo of China, which is a repeat of Jurassic Park, only set in China, and with dragons instead of dinosaurs. The writing isn't great, dialogue rather stilted, but it's not a long book, so I'll finish it.

I've been watching "Big Love" on CraveTV - a TV show about a polygamist family in Utah - and there was a scene where women were lamenting being evicted from their homes on the FLDS compound with only five minutes to collect their things. I was astounded at how hard this hit me. I am not going into detail, but last October I was illegally evicted from where I was living in the Canadian Arctic with two hours to get out. This happened in the peak of polar bear season, which means peak tourist season; there were no hotel rooms and it was a really and truly horrible and dangerous situation which has left me traumatized and scared of my own shadow. I had no idea that the mere mention of eviction on a TV show would affect me as sharply as it did. Thank goodness I have a therapist.

I'm still thinking about the teaching ESL thing. I haven't made up my mind. It seems like a good idea. I can get certified online, and I can probably get financial aid for the cost of the course. But before I make any decision, I'll need to investigate the job market to see whether or not I'd be likely to get a job teaching English as a Second Language either locally or overseas. I'm 53, and many of the overseas options close at age 50, I am given to understand. I also don't live in a big city centre that attracts a lot of immigrants, and I'd be reluctant to move to another city, partially because I don't have the money to relocate. So I will have to research job opportunites and then make a decision. Also, it is a bit daunting, at my age, to be starting an entirely new venture. This is the part of my life where I always thought I'd be gliding towards retirement - my dad retired at 55, and my mum a couple of years after that - not starting anew. I am feeling timid, and will need to gather some courage to make a new life for myself.

Comments

[iddewes]

I have known older people who taught English overseas though there are fewer of them. My friend Bjorn currently teaches in the Middle East and he's in his late 50s. But Bjorn has a great deal of experience so I'm not sure if that made a difference.

[princessofburundi]

I had a look around some website last night. Some of them had a age 50 cut off. One of them had a cutoff age of 52, which is just weird, but most didn't care, particularly the online sites where I could, for instance, teach in China from the comfort of my own living room, as long as I were willing to wake up pretty early in the morning.

The contracts in the middle east look so cool, and they pay so well. I'd love to spend a year teaching somewhere like Saudi Arabia. However, most of them want a teaching certificate and several years of experience, so I don't think I'll be doing that!

[jo]

Ah the joys of being GenX!! Lumped in with the Boomers, but with none of their benefits. My dad (a school teacher) retired in his 50s too, whereas for me, retirement is a 4-letter word. I'm not expecting to ever be able to do so.

I get what you're saying about residual trauma. After having gone through the 1998 ice storm in Montreal, I still get panicky when I read "freezing rain" as part of a weather forecast.

[princessofburundi]

My dad was a tool and die maker whose bad health meant he needed to stop working in his early 50s. My mother retired as a school teacher/vice principal a couple of years later, I think because she was jealous of my dad being at home!

I remember reading about that ice storm. (I'm in Ontario so we get Quebec news.) It was really dreadful. So sorry that you were caught in that and that it still affects you.

[this_ascension]

I too get what you are saying when it comes to residual trauma. I have recollections that have the power to pull me into a place that I fear I will never come back from. I am, thankfully, learning how to cope with these, and making progress I once thought impossible.

*hug* Good luck, hon.

[princessofburundi]

I am just sorry that two of the people who read this post are also dealing with trauma. That's a lot of trauma. I'm so sorry that you are still affected by things that occurred in your past.

My traumatic experience was almost exactly six months ago. I am still dealing with it in a very sharp and everyday way. Three weeks ago I filed a human rights complaint against the people who evicted me illegally (I was evicted for being mentally ill), and there is going to be a lot of communication about that until this situation is settled. It will be good to be several years in the future and have it to look back on it as an incident in my past and not something I'm dealing with in the present.

Thanks for the hug. Here's one for you: *hug*