princessofburundi

I have figured out why I'm not depressed or anxious. I can also explain the extreme lack of sleep, the racing thoughts, and the high-dose enthusiasms....I'm manic. It's been so long since my last mania (years) that I'd forgotten what it feels like. This is only hypomania, when I'm fully manic I have tons of energy despite lack of sleep, and I don't have even a drop of energy now. It's 4:45 a.m. I'm wide awake and pissed off about it.

Then there's Olive, the older of my two cats. She's approximately three, and Roo is around two. Olive is driving me nutso. She's whiny, demanding, annoying, and I can usually put up with her, but right now I feel like putting her in a shoebox, taping it up, poking some breathing holes in it, and FedEx-ing her somewhere. I don't know where. Olive is my son's cat, and he's abandoned her for his fiancee's cat in Vancouver, and I just have to put up with her. I've never disliked a cat before, I love the whole species, but she is really, really not my cup of tea.

Grrr. I want sleep and for my cat to stop climbing the fucking curtains and scratching the walls.

Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!

I have woken up with a mighty case of acid reflux, so BLEAH to that, and I was woken far earlier than I would have liked due to my younger cat deciding that first thing in the morning was a good time for head scratches and for walking up and down my back. I told her to go away and let me sleep, and she pointed out that she doesn't speak English, so she won. She always does. She's so adorable and fluffy that I indulge her every whim.

I'm morose this morning. For me, holidays are a reminder that I'm alone in the world. My parents and brother's family, who share a large home in the country, have not invited me to Easter or Thanksgiving for several years now. My elder daughter hasn't spoken to me in seven or eight years, my son lives far away in Vancouver, and my younger daughter is in the middle of exams and doesn't celebrate anyway, being an atheist. I don't have much in the way of real-life friends, certainly not the sort to open their homes to me on holidays. I look back and wonder how I ever thought that family celebrations were annoying or too much work, you don't realize how precious they are until they're gone. I remember delighted children hunting for Easter eggs, and my mum's lovely ham roasts, and a church family where I worshipped regularly, and I don't know where the years have gone.

Anyway, enough of being depressed. It's a holiday, so I'm going to ignore housework except for dishes, and spend the day reading or watching TV. It's nice and warm today with a delicious breeze, but it's raining on and off, and isn't really the weather for venturing outdoors much, so I shall stay home and enjoy the company of books.