Touch

Apr. 26th, 2017 05:11 pm
princessofburundi: (Default)
Every day I go to odb.org - Our Daily Bread - it is a Christian website that gives daily short articles that prompt the reader to think about their relationship with God. Today's article was about the healing power of touch, focusing on Jesus healing the leper, and I was surprised as touch has been on my mind a lot lately.

Today my therapist hugged me at the close of our session, and I realized that it was the first hug I'd had in a couple of weeks. My mother doesn't hug, neither does anyone else I see, and being bereft of physical contact is something I'm finding very challenging. I'm not sure what the solution is. One of the reasons I miss my son as much as I do is that he is a very physical human being, and I got hugs all day long. I took them for granted; one thing this past six months of my life has taught me is that one should never take any aspect of any relationship for granted.

It's a beautiful day today. The weather is hovering around 20 degrees (70 degrees F), the sun is shining, trees are sprouting blossoms and leaves, and gardens are full of daffodils and tulips and other spring flowers. My little plot out front is bright and cheerful. It's lovely to have the windows open; the cats like that as well. I love spring.

Speaking of cats, I had to lock them in the kitchen last night. Both of them decided that my desire to sleep was unacceptable, and they kept sitting on my pillow and meowing me into consciousness. I don't like barring them from my room, but egads, they were annoying.

Tomorrow I have to mow the lawn. My brother has been over to show me how to use the lawnmower and put gas in it. I am nervous, I've never cut grass before!

Therapy

Apr. 19th, 2017 02:38 pm
princessofburundi: (Default)
I just went to a therapist's appointment at the hospital for the first time. Holy crap, it was hard. Talking about all that *stuff* that I keep bottled up inside of me was so difficult, and I spent most of the appointment in tears. One thing I learned is that my waterproof mascara isn't all that waterproof. Another thing I learned is that grieving sucks. All this anger I feel? Part of grieving. Part of the path to wellness and acceptance.

I'm not ready to talk here about what I'm grieving. It's not a death but a huge loss. It's been overwhelming. And it's just so scary to talk about. I feel that if I start to write about it that I'll never stop, that my words will flow like tears across the page.

That's all. I have posted that I'm having a hard time and that's all I really want to say right now.

There isn't an emoticon offered that expresses grief and anger and hurt and being overwhelmed all at once, like a torrent of emotional lava engulfing me. So I'm just going to use "gloomy" which is the best I can find to describe both my mood and the weather today. 

 

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princessofburundi

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