Therapy

[princessofburundi]

I just went to a therapist's appointment at the hospital for the first time. Holy crap, it was hard. Talking about all that *stuff* that I keep bottled up inside of me was so difficult, and I spent most of the appointment in tears. One thing I learned is that my waterproof mascara isn't all that waterproof. Another thing I learned is that grieving sucks. All this anger I feel? Part of grieving. Part of the path to wellness and acceptance.

I'm not ready to talk here about what I'm grieving. It's not a death but a huge loss. It's been overwhelming. And it's just so scary to talk about. I feel that if I start to write about it that I'll never stop, that my words will flow like tears across the page.

That's all. I have posted that I'm having a hard time and that's all I really want to say right now.

There isn't an emoticon offered that expresses grief and anger and hurt and being overwhelmed all at once, like a torrent of emotional lava engulfing me. So I'm just going to use "gloomy" which is the best I can find to describe both my mood and the weather today. 

 

Comments

[miss_s_b]

*hug*
I hope that your whelm stops going over soon.

[princessofburundi]

Thank you.

[seraphina_snape]

Are you okay with virtual hugs? If so, consider yourself hugged.

[princessofburundi]

Virtual hugs are lovely, thank you. I am hugging you back.

[kristy]

*hugs*

I'm going through something VERY similar right now.

I hope you recover, soon.

[princessofburundi]

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time as well. I'm sending hugs your way.

[kristy]

Thank you, kindly & thank you, for the hugs.

[michigangster]

Therapy can be wonderfully cathartic at times - sucks at the time but I think it feels better after. I hope it continues to help you!

[princessofburundi]

I'm tired of catharsis, I'm tired of hurting. I want to wake up on a sunny day and have sunshine in my heart. Thanks for your comment. Sorry that I'm grumpy!

[fleeting]

I hope things get better for you soon. :(

[princessofburundi]

Thank you.

[irish_dragon]

**Hugs**

Talking about the pain, can be like tearing off the scab on a wound that was healing, or re-breaking a bone that didn't quite heal right. It can hurt worse, because it has been cooking in a pressure cooker for years.

Even if you don't want to talk about it here, journal about it, write it till you can't write no more. Do it when you're ready. Then bring it with you when you go to your therapist. Sometimes it helps to have a record of how you feel, or felt during and after a session. Sometimes it helps if you are on a roll, to release some of the stuff you talked about with you Therapist, or at least release some of the pressure. Because as your outlook changes, you can see it in your writing. That in itself can be very healing.

I would encourage you to find a massage therapist or energy worker that can work with you as well. To help move some of that out of the body, especially if it has been cooking for a while.

Good Luck! Hug a cat, if they let you anyway.

[princessofburundi]

Thank you for the hugs.

I could journal here and keep the post private, only seen by me. That's a good idea, journalling for myself, thanks for the suggestion.

What is an energy worker? My mind immediately thought "electrician"! but that's not what you meant, at least I very much doubt it!

[irish_dragon]

a reiki practitioner is would be a type of energy healer.

There are several types of Energy workers. I try out psychic or alternative healing fairs to test out local healers. I find this is a very good venue to try out local healers, and find one you like spending time with. That you mesh or sync well with.

[princessofburundi]

I would be surprised if the city I live in even has a reiki practitioner, but as I don't like massages, I will investigate reiki. I've heard of it before, but know nothing about it. Can reiki be used to help with mental health problems?

[irish_dragon]

It can, but it usually depends on both parties, and whether or not the person who is coming for assistance, is willing to accept the assistance.

If you are a reader, you may also read The Emotional Code. Which goes into buried/trapped emotions and how to release them. It's by a chiropractor, I believe.

[princessofburundi]

I'm ready to try anything to get some relief from this damned depression, so if I can find a reiki practitioner (and can afford same) I will give it a shot. I've even considered acupuncture, anything, because the psych drugs are doing nothing at all. Most nights I wonder why I even bother to take them.

The Emotional Code - I will look for it. I am a vast reader, and always interested in books that might help me heal. Thank you for your suggestion.

I'm afraid of bats, but your bat icon is so darned cute that even I like it. :)

[irish_dragon]

I had a little girl give me a very glittery funny bat for halloween one year. It's on my goal board for decoration. I put my random amusing gifts up to look at.

Like the pin that says "santa, I can explain..."

[this_ascension]

*hug*

[princessofburundi]

*hugs back*

Thank you.

[norfolkian]

Well done on seeing a therapist - that's a really positive step.

[princessofburundi]

Thank you! It really helps, at least so far. Everytime I have difficult thoughts I realize that I will have a place to vocalize that thought on Wednesday.