Loving Journalling

[princessofburundi]

I had no idea how much I would love having an online journal again. It feels so good to be here at Dreamwidth. I am making new friends, have a place to share my life, and have the great privilege of being able to share the lives of others. For a woman who is decidedly lonely, this place is a godsend.

It's gotten hot all of a sudden - it's 23 here at the moment (that's 76) and rather humid so that it feels hotter. I mowed the lawn for the first time all on my own. The result reminds me very much of the time my elder daughter, age approx. three, took her safety scissors to the curls at the front of her hair, kind of jagged and sloppy and frayed. (And it was heartbreaking to see her lovely curls on the floor.) I console myself with the fact that my neighbours have obviously been mowing for years and know how, whereas I simply don't have a clue....yet. Someday I will be a jedi master at lawns.

Saw my caseworker at Canadian Mental Health today....such a nice woman. I am so fortunate to have really excellent community help for my poor addled brain. Psychiatrist, therapist, case worker, doctor: I am so lucky to live in Canada and in this city.

The thing I'm working on now is learning to be gentler with myself. I need to get rid of the self talk that says "you're stupid" or "you're a failure" and replace it with "you're learning" and "look at all of the things you've accomplished today". I need to learn to look in the mirror and instead of seeing ugly and fat, and old, see a woman who has survived a lot of grief and turmoil and has the battle scars to prove it. Maybe, if I'm really lucky, some day I will see beauty.

Comments

[miss_s_b]

It's genuinely lovely seeing the place all active :)

If you find a way of doing the last paragraph that works well, do share

[malgrin]

I don't really know you yet (but I'm glad for the chance) and I'm happy to say ... you're learning!! (We ALL are!) Look at all of the things you've accomplished today!!

I hope one day you see beauty as well.

[kristy]

I hope you'll see the beauty you have inside & out. I'm still working on that myself, but am greatly improving. :)

*hugs*

[seraphina_snape]

So your first stab at lawn mowing went about as well as mine a few weeks ago did. *g* Let's hope we'll both improve.

[nonniemous]

Changing the self-talk is hard work, but so worth it. It's helped me immensely over the years to ask myself, "What would you think if this was being said to someone else you respect? Then why is it okay to say it to yourself?" Or, to just say, 'No, so-and-so says this about me," when I can't believe in myself. Right now I have posters on my bedroom wall that say "Arise," "Create," "Try," and "Protect."

[atomicnectarine]

Some of my favorite people in the world I've met and gotten to know through journaling. It's been my outlet for 13 years now.

[norfolkian]

I'm really enjoying journalling again too, and really enjoying connecting with new internet friends too. :)

[coeur_de_noir]

This, exactly! Glad to have met you.