Loving Journalling

[princessofburundi]

I had no idea how much I would love having an online journal again. It feels so good to be here at Dreamwidth. I am making new friends, have a place to share my life, and have the great privilege of being able to share the lives of others. For a woman who is decidedly lonely, this place is a godsend.

It's gotten hot all of a sudden - it's 23 here at the moment (that's 76) and rather humid so that it feels hotter. I mowed the lawn for the first time all on my own. The result reminds me very much of the time my elder daughter, age approx. three, took her safety scissors to the curls at the front of her hair, kind of jagged and sloppy and frayed. (And it was heartbreaking to see her lovely curls on the floor.) I console myself with the fact that my neighbours have obviously been mowing for years and know how, whereas I simply don't have a clue....yet. Someday I will be a jedi master at lawns.

Saw my caseworker at Canadian Mental Health today....such a nice woman. I am so fortunate to have really excellent community help for my poor addled brain. Psychiatrist, therapist, case worker, doctor: I am so lucky to live in Canada and in this city.

The thing I'm working on now is learning to be gentler with myself. I need to get rid of the self talk that says "you're stupid" or "you're a failure" and replace it with "you're learning" and "look at all of the things you've accomplished today". I need to learn to look in the mirror and instead of seeing ugly and fat, and old, see a woman who has survived a lot of grief and turmoil and has the battle scars to prove it. Maybe, if I'm really lucky, some day I will see beauty.

Comments

[seraphina_snape]

People keep telling me that you don't mow damp or wet grass. I don't know the science behind it, but maybe because wet grass is heavier and prone to lying flat? So you get an uneven chop and whatever you cut off is heavy and clumps together. But what I do when my lawnmower keeps stalling on the same patch of grass is to set the blades a notch higher. If there's a really dense patch of grass, it could just be that the lawnmower can't cope with all of it at once, so you start with the blade on high to take the tops off and then do another run over that patch with the blades lowered to get the rest.

That's Parker from Leverage. It's a great show - I can only recommend it. It's about a group of thieves being hired to recover stolen airplane plans, only to discover after the fact (and after narrowly escaping a bomb explosion) that the man who hired them just wanted someone to steal those plans. They decide to get revenge and go after the man, conning him out of his company and his fortune (and his freedom, since he ends up in jail). They give the plans back to the rightful owner and then intend to split up. But they worked really well together, so the idea of going their own ways lasts all of two minutes. Because their leader Nate is an honest man, he stipulates that any jobs they take have to be jobs that help people against the rich and powerful who can more of less do as they please and pay off anyone who says anything. So, modern day Robin Hood meets The Sting and Ocean's Eleven. (But this show has something for everyone.)